In life, we all encounter crossroads where we’re asked to redefine ourselves, step into new roles, and embrace the unknown. Vivian O’Neal, former Miss Mississippi America, has recently embarked on her own journey of self-discovery, growth, and transition. In this inspiring interview, she shares her story and wisdom with us—touching on what it means to let go, embrace change, and truly “come into your own.” Whether you’re transitioning careers, starting a new personal chapter, or just feeling ready for a fresh beginning, her insights offer encouragement for anyone ready to live life with confidence and authenticity.
1. What does “coming into your own” mean to you?
This phrase can hold different meanings for each person. For some, it’s stepping into a new role; for others, it’s about embracing inner strength. How has this journey shaped you, and what has surprised you most about yourself along the way?
The season of life where I felt I was truly “coming into my own” was when I became fully comfortable with the most authentic version of myself. I believe one of the greatest gifts in life is to be fully known, fully seen, and yet fully loved by someone. Giving that gift to yourself first is the game changer. There are countless experiences and challenges that helped me reach the point I am at now, but I also think that “coming into your own” never fully happens. Humans grow, change, and evolve constantly, and what a gift that is! I feel as though I’ve come into my own as mid-20s Vivian, but I imagine there will be adjustments when I become married Vivian or new mom Vivian.
Truthfully, the most surprising part is the reflection aspect of it. Before Miss Mississippi, I believed I had really stepped into my purpose and had it all figured out. Then, I made the last-minute decision to compete a fifth and final time at Miss Mississippi, and now looking back, a year and a few months later, there is still so much that past Vivian had to learn to help today’s Vivian be who she is. Life is cyclical, and so is coming into one’s own.
2. Reflecting on your pageant experience, what lessons have stayed with you?
Your time as Miss Mississippi must have been filled with valuable insights and lessons. Which of these have continued to impact your life in this new chapter, and how do they shape your perspective now?
People always talk about needing to be really confident in yourself to compete in pageants. While that is somewhat true, pageants can also help you gain a lot of confidence. What they don’t tell you is the type of confidence they help you develop. Being Miss Mississippi unlocked a whole new level of self-respect that ultimately resulted in being more comfortable saying the uncomfortable thing in circumstances where your worth is questioned—in my opinion, the ultimate confidence. Negotiating a salary, setting healthy boundaries, and calling out unfair treatment or manipulation from someone who has a level of control over your job or role—these things require a level of confidence that I did not truly have until I won and lived the experience of being Miss Mississippi. I was put in many situations, specifically ones where there was precedented behavior that did not align with how I allow myself to be treated, and I had to learn to trust my gut enough to validate it with my actions.
The value of true authenticity is priceless. It leads to higher rates of success, contentment, and day-to-day fulfillment, deeper and more meaningful friendships—the list goes on. The word “authentic” gets thrown around a lot in pageant land, but staying truly authentic, even in difficult times, is a lesson I’m reminded of every single day.
3. How do you manage moments of self-doubt or fear of the unknown?
Transitioning into a new life chapter can be challenging. When you encounter self-doubt or fear, what helps you keep moving forward? Are there specific practices or mindsets that ground you?
My inner circle is everything to me. It’s amazing to have people cheer you on and love you when you’re on the mountain, but it’s an entirely different thing to have people pick you up and remind you of who you are when you’re in the valley. I recently went through one of the toughest seasons of my life—grieving the end of a dream, experiencing the heartbreak that came with it, and feeling lost and, to be honest, purposeless after working so hard for one thing for so long. It was my people who gave me the space to feel all the emotions but then rallied together to help me rebuild. To be fully known, fully seen, and yet fully loved is a uniquely rare kind of love. I feel so grateful to have that from a spiritual standpoint, as well as a physical representation of it through the relationships in my life. Always lean into the relationships. Cheesy as it may be, take it from a textbook Enneagram three—material accomplishments fade, but connection is for life.
4. What advice would you give to someone feeling “stuck” or uncertain about their next step?
Many of us reach a point where we know we need a change but don’t know where to start. What advice would you share with others in that place, based on your own experiences?
Do the next right thing. If that means eating a good meal and taking a nap, eat a good meal and take a nap. If that means quitting your job, quit your job. Big or small, just do the next right thing. Life is hard and complicated enough—there’s no need to overanalyze the big picture so much. Put one foot in front of the other, and I promise everything will fall into place the way it’s intended.
5. Can you share a moment in this journey when you felt especially empowered?
Often, there are key moments when we realize our own strength. Was there a particular experience or accomplishment that solidified your confidence in this new path?
Not to make literally all of these questions about pageants, but there was a moment right after I crowned the new Miss Mississippi when several contestants came over to me, some with tears in their eyes, and thanked me for encouraging them to compete, saying it had totally changed their lives. I don’t say that to pat myself on the back—but in that moment, after a week of feeling the weight of, “What if I haven’t made the most of the one shot I had?” I was reminded of what I had always wanted my legacy to be.
Since I was 13 years old, I’ve known what type of Miss Mississippi I wanted to be if I ever had the opportunity. I knew I wanted my legacy to be one of authenticity, relatability, support, and encouragement—cheering other women on, helping them accomplish their dreams, and making them feel equipped to do so. The relationship between contestants and Miss Mississippi always felt so distant—like there was this wall up, and the winner was just this mythical creature that no one could talk to. I wanted to close that gap, to be an advocate for these women, and to do everything I could to make this organization the best it could possibly be for all the women who would come after me.
There were so many moments during my year when I felt like I was constantly met with opposition that I couldn't talk to anyone about. But in that moment onstage, as I realized my year was over, I was given a small reminder that I had accomplished what I set out to do.
6. What role has self-care and personal growth played in your life recently?
Stepping into new roles requires balance and resilience. How have you prioritized self-care and personal growth, and what practices have made the biggest difference for you?
One slightly difficult lesson my Enneagram three self has had to learn lately is that the definition of “self-care” evolves with the seasons of life—it isn’t one-size-fits-all. I’m used to going a hundred miles per hour, and my “self-care” was a spray tan and the rare day once a month I’d actually let myself rest. In this season, I’ve had to be patient with myself by leaning into a slower pace. My body and brain craved it so much after this past year, but I struggled to give in because I always viewed that as “soft” or “complacent.” What I’ve learned in this season, however, is that: 1) life is cyclical—just because I’m slowing down now doesn’t mean it will stay that way forever, and 2) rest does not equal complacency. Slowing down and allowing yourself space to heal and grieve does not equal complacency. Self-care these days means cooking at home more, going to bed earlier, not overfilling my weekends with plans, spending more time with my people and pets, and not silently punishing myself for not being as busy as possible.
7. How have relationships—friends, family, or mentors—supported you in this journey?
Support from others can be invaluable during times of change. Can you share how your relationships have shaped or supported you in “coming into your own”?
Let’s be real—support comes in many forms. There were times when supporting me meant grabbing 2 a.m. Whataburger and a daiquiri after a competition loss, and other times it meant crying and jumping up and down in the audience as the emcee called my name for a preliminary award at Miss America.
As I’ve gone through the process of “coming into my own” up until this point in life, my circle has become smaller and smaller—in the best possible way. I mentioned earlier the concept of being fully known, fully seen, and yet fully loved. I was intentional about that when I built my prep team for Miss Mississippi to ensure they truly had my best interests at heart. They were in the business of helping me become the best version of Vivian—the most equipped Vivian for the job—not just “making me a Miss Mississippi.”
That mindset makes all the difference. And those people are still cheerleaders and friends in my life, alongside my friends and family outside of pageantry.
8. What are you most excited about in this new phase of life?
With new challenges come new opportunities. What excites you most as you look ahead, and what goals or dreams are you pursuing now?
As scary as it was at first, I’ve been really excited lately about this new season! I’m a lifelong lover of books, so it feels like I’m snuggled in my favorite corner of the couch with a new book, dying to find out what happens—only I’m the main character. One specific goal I set “post-crown” was to really focus on my health from the inside out. I’m excited to create a home and establish routines after living out of a suitcase and a sponsor car for a year! It’s the small things these days, but if I know myself, I know that life’s pace can change in an instant, so I’m being very intentional about romanticizing my life and fully leaning into this season.
9. Any last words of encouragement for those embracing a new chapter?
Change is both exhilarating and intimidating. For anyone who’s at the edge of a new beginning, what would you say to help them feel encouraged and empowered?
Remember that while there may be circumstances outside of your control, you can control your mindset. Allow yourself to feel all your feelings, but then lead yourself into this new chapter with your “why” at the forefront of your mind. When we remember our purpose, it becomes easier to shift nervous energy into excited energy when approaching a new chapter. Reflection is also a powerful tool. There have been times in my life when I’ve felt as though I couldn’t catch up. The reality is, when I look back on how far I’ve come, I see that I am actually living out many of the goals I once dreamed about—that I truly am becoming the person I always wanted to be. Sometimes we have to zoom out of the everyday and think about what our younger selves would think of who we are now.
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